One of the main problems in relationships is jealousy. Feeling that the other person may fail you, that they commit acts that annoy you or be insecure in a situation can be enough for the arguments to rise and you start an endless fight. If this is your case, you should know that jealousy can be controlled and get over this bump based on trust, respect and empathy.
Steps to follow:
- The first thing we have to do to avoid arguing out of jealousy is to put ourselves in the shoes of our partner and think about how we would act. That is, many times we catch a mania in a specific person because it is part of our partner’s life and we detect it as a threat but we must know that this is the product of our own insecurity and our mind; We can’t get into a friendly relationship just because of our ghosts.
- To be able to do this step, we simply have to think that if the situation were the other way around, that is, you had a friend or close friend to whom your partner had mania (just because), you would like your relationship to worsen your friendship. The answer will surely be that it does not, therefore, follows the saying that our mothers used to tell us so much: “Don’t do to others what you would not like them to do to you.” The empathy is the basic engine to enjoy healthy personal relationships.
- But it is true that there may be situations that, no matter how empathetic you get, bother you and you don’t like them. For example, if your partner is a very loving person and has attitudes that seem inappropriate to you, talk about it with her. It is important to learn to communicate, to talk with the other person to try to reach an agreement and that neither of you suffers or is in uncomfortable situations. We must not forget that a relationship is a matter of two and both have to be comfortable and satisfied with it.
- No shouting, no bad fumes and a decisive attitude is what you have to go with to be able to talk about the behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. Never impose anything, you do not have to judge your partner or tell her what to do: speak for yourself, tell her how you feel and she will decide if she wants to change that attitude or if, on the contrary, she is like that and does not want to change. It is important to speak to understand each other but that conversation must be respectful, without impositions or demands.
- One of the most common causes of being fought over jealousy is a lack of self-confidence. That is, try to analyze the reasons why you feel jealous; You will surely realize that when you are close to a person who is not attractive to you, jealousy does not exist but when you see that there is someone “dangerously attractive” that is when all your senses become alert and any smile, any look or word is enough to bother you.
- This is, essentially, due to a lack of confidence in yourself. By having low self-esteem, you consider that anyone is a threat to your relationship. That is why it is essential that you cultivate self-confidence, that you try to love yourself, see how valid you are and understand that your partner is in love with you precisely because of those qualities. Feel strong, comfortable with yourself and you will alleviate jealousy. In this article we give you some tips to improve your self-esteem.
- In addition to self-confidence, in order to improve your relationship and stop arguing out of jealousy, it is important that you trust the other person. There is a saying that “Without trust, there is no love” and it is very true since a relationship is based on respect for the other, trust and affection. If you do not trust the other, your life together will be a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs where arguments, mistrust, jealousy and control will abound.
- If you don’t trust your partner, ask yourself what is the reason: Is it his past? Is it infidelity? Is it your lack of confidence? It is important that you take a trip to your consciousness and inquire about the true reasons for this mistrust. Once you know what it is, you have the upper hand and you can decide to overcome it or, on the contrary, break your relationship because without trust, we have already said it before, it is impossible for the couple to work. If the reason is because of an infidelity,
- Couples can argue out of jealousy because they get carried away by that painful feeling, that insecurity and that fear and they release the first thing that comes to mind through their mouths. Error. Before speaking you have to think and think well. Especially on the issue of jealousy you have to inquire about the origin of that feeling, put a cool mind and if you think it is convenient you have to talk about it with your partner to find a solution. Shouting is useless if the objective is not to solve the situation, so before telling her atrocities, think carefully about what happened, why the jealousy has arisen and if she can do something so that it does not happen again or, on the contrary, it is something you have to work on yourself.
- Keep in mind that if you want to stop arguing because of jealousy, an important step is to learn to shut up, that is, if the jealousy comes from your insecurities, you don’t have to make your partner participate in it: solve it yourself, heal yourself and do not involve in everything to your partner. The work, many times, must be individual no matter how much you are with a partner.
- It is also essential that you accept your partner as he is. You can’t tell her what she can and can’t do because, in the long run, that relationship will suffocate her and it will end up breaking down. You have to let her free, to act completely naturally when she is with you and when she is without you, it is useless to put chains on her so that she is as you want her to be because, in the end, she will end up breaking them. You must bear in mind that you fell in love with a specific person, with a free person with initiative: do not make your fears, your insecurities and your unfounded jealousy manage to cancel it.
- So, to ensure that this does not happen, you have to start from a basic premise: accept the individuality of your partner. She has her friends, she has her interests, she has her life and she share a part of it with you. That does not give you the right to tell him what to do or how to behave. Understanding that a relationship is based on the loving union of two individualities is essential to respect the other and let them be free in your relationship.
